there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
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Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
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Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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