quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
