Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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