I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
