a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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