Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
