i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
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Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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