Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
