I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
