im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
