Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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