I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
