i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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