Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
