Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
