dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
