New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
