After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
