Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
