My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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