Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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