That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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