can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
