hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
They have beer where we have blood.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
