i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
