I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Found your dick twin last night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
