Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I supernannyed him into submission
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
