Umm I'm too high to move.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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