and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize