He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
