My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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