Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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