I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
