Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
