Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
