If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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