Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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