That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I just put wine in my tea
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
