Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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