Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Couch. On fire.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
