sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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