so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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