im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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