You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
