she was so not down for the gang bang
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize