i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
