Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
