and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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