Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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