you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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