You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
