he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
