Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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