The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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