I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
