Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
