i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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