just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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